I used to think that American pastors were fakes of the fakes until I happen on Nigerians with the explosion of their ‘prosperity’ churches which are driven by hunger, hopelessness, superstition, 419, and sheer idiocy. But we would have to hold our collective applause and invite their Ghanaian counterparts to step up to the stage and take a bow

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Warri no dey carry last? Well, that may be true some nine years ago. But since 2003, things have been falling apart in that part of the country. We scrape the bottom of the barrel and, sadly, there we find Warri and the rest of Delta State. Only the Nigerian judiciary, clumsily marshalled by whoever is in charge these days is lower than Delta State and Deltans at the moment.

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A lot has been said and is still being written about the recent removal of oil subsidy by the Nigerian government – and rightly so. But I think, when considered dispassionately, the government is right on this one. I’ll give a simplified view.

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Boy! ‘Boko Haram’ is still winning. It is winning big, and it is winning ugly. It is becoming increasingly and unbearably painful to read now on a regular basis, the bombings taking place in Nigeria and the attendant wanton and unnecessary loss of life.

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Also known as dangerous incompetence. We were bequeathed this phenomenon of course by that our brother, Umar Farouk Abdul-Mutallab. Sometime in 2008/09, Farouk, well into his twenties, developed a taste for baby diapers. Eventually, on Christmas day 2009, he donned a Yemeni-made one. Then he got on a US-bound flight, put an airline blanket over his head, put his face in his laps, said his prayers, pulled a Maiduguri-made trigger and blew his balls off directly into his own face.

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Recently I was in Nigeria. Right about the middle of my stay, my younger brother on his way to work one early morning was accosted by three smartly-dressed men of the underworld.

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Former Governor of Lagos State, the irrepressible Bola Tinubu, a proper ‘Area Father’ if ever there was one, was in the middle of his transformation into a bona fide Asiwaju (Leader) when his makeover was rudely interrupted and ambushed by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). The complete lack of respect on display is astonishing. It’s Bode George all over again. But what’s a big man to do?

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Looking back on Nigeria’s history of Presidents and its one Prime Minister, it is amazing that not even one of them was interested in the high office they later occupied. They were all individuals that were recruited by bigger fishes to go represent others’ interests. No one who ever declared their intention and clearly spelt out their vision and programme for the country from the very onset ever made it. It’s astonishing really. And it would appear that in Yar’Adua and now Jonathan, Obasanjo succeeded in foisting on Nigeria a truly dangerously mumufied duo.

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So, off went OBJ to Bornu State, the capital of ‘boko haram.’ OBJ got there on 15 September 2011 ostensibly for a condolence visit with the family of a man that was killed way back in July 2009.

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The story of Pinocchio told us that every time the puppet-boy told a lie, his nose grew longer. Well, there is the seemingly never-ending distressing story of one Emmanuel Uduaghan in Delta state whose own bump seems to grow bigger every time he steals money and elections.

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Until a fatal combination of cirrhosis of the liver and excess Viagra did the lunatic Abacha in, between November 1993 and June 1998 everyone knew their place in Nigeria. All our noisemaking warmongers kept well quiet, muttered undertone or stayed put in their various hilltop residences.

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So, are you currently living abroad (say the UK, USA, Canada, etc), or you are an enterprising middle/upper class Nigerian professional domiciled in Nigeria and thinking about being a Local Government Chairman? Ok, this is how to go about it:

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About four years ago I was at the Transcorp Hilton in Abuja. Early afternoon, my partner wanted to get her hair done in the saloon and asked me to come with her. I didn’t want to go but I went only after I saw an opportunity therein to check out the local female talents. Once there, I was pretending I was reading a newspaper whilst actually checking out everything around me when Atiku busted into the saloon with a large security entourage. He had come for a pedicure!

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Passing through Warri (including Effurun), you are immediately assaulted by two things: Large billboards of Governor Uduaghan informing you that you are in paradise and should therefore vote for him again, and signboards of churches. I am sure that all the name combinations that could possibly be used for a church assemblage or a place of worship have been used in Warri. Besides the usual known suspects, there are places with names such as: Great Minds Christian Centre; Church to Heaven Ministries; Outreach International - Point and Kill; Consuming Fire of God; Fresh Fire Ministries;

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XL5ive, a fast rising Nigerian songwriter, producer and vocalist, swaggered back to his former place where he dazzled the Hungarian audience at the Soho London club in downtown Budapest.

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"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." Will Rogers "Life consisrts of not holding the good cards, but playing the ones that you hold very well." Josh Billings. "Iyawo ti a ba fi idi ijo fe, iran ni yi o wo lo." Yoruba proverb. Freedom Coalition: $ 250m Fund To Elect Maj (rtd)Umar (Ribadu)And Akunyili(?) in 2011,Get Rid of The Cabal led By Babangida For Good! Yes We Can! (Part 4)

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"What matters is not how people vote but how the votes are counted." Joseph Stalin. Former Soviet Dictator. "Success will not lower its standard to us. We must raise our standard to success." Rev Randall R McBride, Jr. "Indecision is the graveyard of good intentions." Anonymous "Ile ti a fi t'omo, iri ni o wo." Yoruba proverb

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Naomi Campbell, that British super model, was recently subpoenaed by the World Court in Hague currently in judicial process against former Liberian war lord/president. The ex super model had refused to testify....

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"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." H.H. Williams. "Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong." Peter Melntyre. "Lack of money is not an obstacle. Lack of idea is an obstacle." Hen Hakuta. "Ba mi na omo mi, ko denu olomo." Yoruba proverb.

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Nigeria became the first African team to reach the FIFA U-20 Women’s World Cup final as they overcame Columbia with a 2nd-minute goal in Bielefeld, Germany. By this feat, Falconets have successfully recorded their names and that of their country in the history book of the game.

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